Today I lost one friendship.
We discussed through mail for months. And we could not get to a conclusion.
The loss of understanding was originated from my fault. I had to change my mind from what I had sworn to him, which he could not forgive me, though I explained about it as much as I could.
Through the discussion I have thought about it again and again, but even now, I think I could not keep my word I had given the first. The word, indeed. But I believed my new choice would finally keep me from betraying him. He did not think so.
Yes, the fact remains that I broke the promise. I hurt him, damaged his kindness for me.
The fact lays so heavy on my heart.
On the other hand, I feel saved, because we could stop the long discussion that both of us had not wanted. I was exhausted. He might have been worse than I.
He declared to stop the correspondence in so calm a way, and I agreed to it.
It was at least good that it was he that declared the breakdown. He could someday forgive me, and I could beg him to forgive me at any time.
Yes, I thank him to give me a time – maybe a long time – to think about the matter, improve myself, and prepare to beg him to start our friendship again.
I wish him living in what he believes happily and safe, forgetting about me for sometime.
How many helpless sins I committed in my life…it was so arrogant of me to have said I did not understand Jesus Christ. Now I have no choice but giving him a prayer.