Today I lost one friendship.
We discussed through mail for months. And we could not get to a conclusion.
The loss of understanding was originated from my fault. I had to change my mind from what I had sworn to him, which he could not forgive me, though I explained about it as much as I could.
Through the discussion I have thought about it again and again, but even now, I think I could not keep my word I had given the first. The word, indeed. But I believed my new choice would finally keep me from betraying him. He did not think so.

Yes, the fact remains that I broke the promise. I hurt him, damaged his kindness for me.
The fact lays so heavy on my heart.

On the other hand, I feel saved, because we could stop the long discussion that both of us had not wanted. I was exhausted. He might have been worse than I.
He declared to stop the correspondence in so calm a way, and I agreed to it.

It was at least good that it was he that declared the breakdown. He could someday forgive me, and I could beg him to forgive me at any time.
Yes, I thank him to give me a time – maybe a long time – to think about the matter, improve myself, and prepare to beg him to start our friendship again.

I wish him living in what he believes happily and safe, forgetting about me for sometime.

How many helpless sins I committed in my life…it was so arrogant of me to have said I did not understand Jesus Christ. Now I have no choice but giving him a prayer.


2 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. None of us are perfect.. None of us Bibuji,
    I think many of us now are going through these lessons of Trust and betrayals.Highs and lows of self esteem and judgements of one another least not that of judging ourselves as we pull ourselves to pieces in the process.
    I think we each should be able to speak our opinions, and not be judged by them.. and those who do not always share our opinions should be gracious enough to just agree to disagree without loosing friendship through it..
    We are all here to learn from each other.. so do not be harsh upon yourself…
    Love to you.. and apologies I haven’t been around to visit in a while.

    • Sue, thank you for your words, which I can bask in like a warm shower, or the sunlight in the spring time…
      You’ve told me that I have not yet betrayed him, that I have yet chances to answer to his trust.
      You’ve told me I have not yet lost the friendship, that it is just a pause of discussion.
      Thank you Sue. Yes, I have learned a lesson from the incident – more precisely, I have got a chance to learn from it, as I have not yet grasped what I have learned and how to take it in my life. Although a direct discussion has a pause, I could continue it in my own mind. I will do it. Thanks again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s